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Writer's pictureS Oliver

When Faith Hurts: At the Intersection of Faith and Domestic Violence

Psalm 11:5, NLT

The Lord examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates those who love violence.


For every survivor and everyone struggling to survive cue in Rise Up. I celebrate you! You are strong, you are courageous, you are resilient, and you are enough.


Talking about domestic violence (DV) is not easy, especially for those who are deeply rooted in their faith. For those of us who embrace Christianity, the Bible is replete with scripture that condemns violence. In fact, violence is considered wicked and dishonorable. (Psalm 11)

 

However, domestic violence is far more than physical violence. According to un.org, domestic violence is any pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.

 

For persons who are rooted in their faith, DV is a complex intersection that affects people of every demographic. For some, their faith can be a source of strength and direction. For others, their beliefs and practices complicate their ability to even recognize the abuse, find help, and become free. There are three key beliefs that I believe can influence how people respond to and interpret domestic violence.  

 

1.      Some abusers and religious leaders use selective interpretations of the religious texts to justify their behavior and maintain control over their partners. For example, the idea of male headship in the Christian tradition can be used to support abusive behaviors.

 

2.      Many faith traditions emphasize the importance of forgiveness. Forgiveness can be healing, but simply forgiving the abuser does not address underlying issues of abuse and leaves the victim in a potentially dangerous situation.

3.      Teachings on the sanctity and permanence of marriage can make it more difficult for some survivors to consider leaving an abusive spouse. Often people are stigmatized for divorce or separation. In addition, the shame already associated with abuse will often keep a person in a challenging and unsafe situation.

 

Yet, faith communities can play a crucial role in both the prevention of and response to domestic violence. Here are some ways faith communities can support survivors:

 

·         Education and Awareness. Faith leaders should be educated about the dynamics of domestic violence so they can provide informed guidance and support. Congregations should have access to resources and education on recognizing abuse and responding compassionately to survivors.

 

·         Safe Spaces. Faith communities can offer safe, non-judgmental spaces for survivors to share their experiences without fear of stigma. Providing referrals to counseling, legal assistance, and shelters can be lifesaving.

 

·         Spiritual Counseling and Support. Survivors often wrestle with spiritual questions, such as why God allows suffering or whether they are worthy of love. Faith-based counseling, when done with sensitivity and understanding, can help survivors reconcile their faith with their experiences.

 

·         Zero Tolerance for Abuse. Faith communities must send a clear message that abuse in any form is unacceptable. This includes holding abusers accountable and not allowing them to hide behind religious justifications.

 

Survivors will find the journey toward healing is often long and complicated. Their faith can offer comfort, strength, and a sense of purpose as they process all they have experienced. Some survivors may reconnect with their faith by reclaiming spiritual practices such as prayer, meditation, and reading of the holy text. Others may discard their faith, if only for a season. These choices may provide comfort in the grief and strength in the turmoil.

 

Finding leaders and counselors who are trained in trauma-informed care can help survivors navigate the spiritual struggles and align their faith with the priorities of   their safety and healing. Also, connecting with faith-based support groups can also create space for emotional and healing through sharing experiences and collective prayer.

 

Faith, when rightly understood, is a force for love, justice, and healing. It should never be used to justify or excuse violence. For those facing domestic violence, there is no shame in seeking help. Your faith does not call you to endure abuse—it calls you to live in peace, dignity, and freedom.

 

Faith communities have a responsibility to stand against domestic violence; to listen, support, and walk alongside survivors on their journey toward healing. Through education, awareness, and a firm commitment to the dignity of every human being, faith can truly be a source of hope in the darkest of times.

 

It's crucial to remember that domestic violence is not just physical violence. It often involves multiple types of abuse occurring simultaneously. Recognizing these signs in your own relationship or in those around you is the first step toward seeking help or offering support. The Power & Control Wheel and the Equality Wheel will help you assess your relationship with your intimate partner.

 

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, reach out to the national domestic violence hotline, local support services, or law enforcement for help. Remember, everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their relationships.

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

 

TTY

1-800-787-3224

 

Video Phone for Deaf Callers

1-206-518-9361

 

*The Hotline provides service referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico, Guam and the U.S. Virgin Islands.    Persons can also contact the Hotline through an email request from the Hotline website

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